my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
