The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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