I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
