happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
