Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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