he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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