Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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