Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
