I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
