she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
