I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
