Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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