Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
