dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
