Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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