i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
