im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
