I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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