I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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