If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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