proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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