someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
