Don't make out with my wife yet
Please, let me fuck your mom
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize