She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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