K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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