doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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