took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
