YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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