I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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