well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
