If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
