I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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