You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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