hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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