I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
