every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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