watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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