this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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