Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
