okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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