He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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