He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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