Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
