I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
