dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
