Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
