And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
