dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
