If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
