when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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