you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
