Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
