maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
