no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
