You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
