if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
