i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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