Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
