he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
