I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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