Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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