dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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