During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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