kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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