I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
