You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
