Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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