everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
