1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
