he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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