peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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