saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize