Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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