I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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